


loves a scary place

by charjace



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, mentions of Simon/Izzy, mentions of alec/magnus, mentions of clary/maia, mentions of lydia/izzy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 05:24:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11684976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charjace/pseuds/charjace
Summary: sometimes love's a scary place - ross lynch ( as austin moon )





	loves a scary place

**Author's Note:**

> title is taken from 'superhero' by ross lynch (in his role of austin moon)

His day had been wonderful, he made progress with his songs and managed to record a few bits and pieces here and there. So, that was good for him, and after work he had a nice dinner with Isabelle, who he was walking with down the hall down to his apartment. She was laughing a little to a joke he had said, and he let a little smile form upon his lips but soon her laughter was cut shirt and her arm was held against his chest. This made him stop in his tracks, turning his head to look at her she gave a nod to his apartment door causing him to stiffen a little because the door seemed a little ajar. He hadn't left it open, and it was a one-bedroom apartment so no flatmates, and his friends don't have a key.

Sharing a look between each other, they both gave a nod and Isabelle held her own set of keys in her hand, ready to attack if needed as they pushed the door more open and stepping into the apartment. Down the little hallway that lead to the living room they walked side by side, when they entered living room they didn't expect to see a set of bags upon the floor with their owner sitting on the couch.

"Oh... Uh, I'll just go see if Lydia has eaten, you know how she is a workaholic," Isabelle says, her eyes not moving from the figure on the couch. "You know I'm just down the hall Si."

And with that, Isabelle left the apartment and Simon was just staring at the sight in front of him. A blond male, clad in a leather jacket, black jeans and combat boots to match. The blond looked up, his hair falling a little in his mis-matched eyes. "Missed me?" The blond voice tries for playful, but Simon can hear the falseness to it. Can hear the regret in the voice.

"You  _asshole!_ " Simon replies, throwing his keys onto the table and turning to walk into the kitchen to get a drink because this cannot be happening. "What the fuck do you want Jace?" Simon asks after a few moments, successfully finding a bottle of bourbon, and a cup.

Jace stood up from his spot on the couch, walking into the kitchen and leaning against the doorframe like he lived there – which he doesn't, not anymore. There is something trying to hide away in Jace's eyes, something fighting every time Simon finds himself looking at him. Simon decides to lean against the counter, it's the furthest away from Jace as he pours himself a drink. Jace doesn't say anything, just watches as Simon pours the drink before downing it.

_There is a soft giggling coming from the form that was leaning against him, and he couldn't fight the smile that formed upon his lips. Wrapping an arm around the other's waist, he pulls him closer and presses a soft kiss to his cheek._

_"You're like... very cute, you know that," A slurred voice says, breaking_ _the silence that_ _they had been in as they walked down the hallway._

_"I've been told that," He replies, letting a soft laugh fall from his lips as he_ _rummages_ _for his keys in his back pocket. "We're going to get you into bed, and you're going to go to sleep."_

_"You_ _gonna_ _help me dress? Because I_ _gotta_ _tell you..." Slurred words pushing past lips as the other motions for him to come closer, "I got a boyfriend and I don't think he would like it."_

_Now, that got him to laugh and he almost dropped the drunken boy on his arm but he caught him in time, and_ _th_ _e_ _re_ _in front of their_ _apartment and he slid the key into the door and opened up the door enough for him to get his drunken boyfriend into the door and close it behind them. "_ _You_ _silly boy, I_ **_am_ ** _your boyfriend."_

_"Oh..." Then there is a set of laughter and he is helping him into bed, stripping him off the clothes that weren't needed, pulling the blankets around him before he got himself ready for bed himself_.

"So... how have you been?" Jace says after a small while, his eyes looking away from Simon, like he knew he has no right to ask the question and if this situation were the other way around, Jace would say he didn't deserve to ask the question. Yet, he still asked the question.

"How have I been? I've been great, my music career is going great. My best friend got engaged, so I'm happy for her," Simon replies, and it's easy to tell that isn't what he wanted to say. No, Simon wanted to explode, and say he wasn't okay because right now... he wasn't.

"Clary got engaged? She was dating Maia right?" Jace muses, gripping at straws to keep this conversation going, not wanting it to run into a dead end.

"Yes, to Maia," Answer, short and sweet.

"Right," Jace whispers out into the world, his arms crossing against his chest. Silence fell between them and it started to grow uncomfortable, and Jace's fingers started to drum against his forearm and he noticed Simon's finger running against the rim of the glass. "You didn't change the lock," He's trying, but Simon doesn't give him a response, not even when Jace pulls out the key he had in his pocket, and wiggled it a little.

_Both of their days had been long and hard, so coming home to a home cooked meal was not something either of them found realistic, but coming home to some take out was. It was just some_ _Chinese_ _from the place down the road. They ended up curling on the couch, eating their food with no words said between them as they switched on a movie. The silence was comfortable, and never of them wanted to break it. It was something they do find themselves doing a lot, and it's nice, nothing they would trade for it. It was perfect._

"Simon," Jace starts, his voice a little weak as if it hurt to say his name. "I know, that I probably should have called."

"You should have called? That is a fucking understatement Jace," Simon says, his voice shaking a little like he was trying to hold back on the anger he could feel building up. "You should have fucking  _answered_  a call, you should have texted back, you should have fucking stayed! Where the  _fuck_  did you fuck off to?"

"Australia for like six months, then New Zealand for  _most_  of it," Jace admits, his eyes looking down.

"You fucked off to the  _other side_ of the world? Did I really repulse you that much?" Simon questioned, settling for a glare towards the other.

"It's not like that Simon," Voice quiet as he stares at a spot on the floor, and he wishes he could explain it. Wishes he could put his emotions and feelings into words but he can't, and that was why they ended up in this situation in the first place.

"Then what is it Jace? You  _left!_  You fucking left, in the middle of the night. No note, no text or call. No answering back, no nothing. You fell off the face of the earth, Alec  _cancelled_  his wedding because he was so worried about you! But, hey, don't worry Jace, he and Magnus did get married  _without you_. It took forever to convince Alec that if you truly cared, you'd show up. Yet, you didn't and his wedding wasn't as happy as he, or Magnus liked. Oh, also I tried to move on, it didn't work but Izzy is okay with it. She found Lydia, who by the way, hates how you dumped all of your work on her because you left. You fucking left me Jace, all because I told you I loved you!" Simon's voice had gotten louder as each sentence passed his lips, he had put his cup to the side and pushed himself off of the counter. "You  _left_  me Jace you left everyone, and now, five years later... you're here, why?"

"I'm sorry," Jace's voice is weak as he lets the apology slip past his lips, eyes reluctant to look up at Simon, but he deserves this all. He remembers that night, very clearly – the one memory he can never seem to forget no matter how hard he tried. It was the flood gate memory every time he would try to forget, it would play in his mind and bring all others back with it.

_They were facing each other, smiles plastered upon their lips and he leaned in to press a soft kiss to his boyfriend's lips. They were close enough that he had an arm draped upon his lover's waist, and could feel his breath upon his lips. He nuzzled a little at his nose, before pressing another soft kiss to his lips as his fingers traced circles into the other's back._

_Hearing his boyfriend's hums of_ _content_ _was like music to his ears, "I love you," the words make him still his actions and stare at him. They may have been dating for eight months now, but they've said those words, and he doesn't know what to_ _do._ _He_ _feels a soft hand reach up to stroke his cheek after a few moments_ _, "Hey, I love you, I'm ready to say it but if you're not, that's okay. I understand, I love you_ _Jace_ _."_

_Simon's eyes started to_ _droop_ _and within seconds soft little snores started to fill the room, a minute or two later_ _Jace_ _was removing himself from the bed. Pulling on a pair of pants, a shirt and jacket. There was a suitcase in the closet, and he grabbed it, filling it with as much clothing as he could and with other things he would need. And_ maybe _there is one of_ _Simon's_ _sweaters in there, but no one but him needs to know that. He fills the suitcase, as well as his gym bag and stuff his keys into his pockets, along with his passport and wallet._

 _Before he left though, he presses a soft kiss to Simon's head, "I love you too." The words were barely a whisper as they_ _passed_ _his lips, and were let out into the world. He had avoided looking at Simon's sleeping form the whole time he had packed his things, because that would have made him cry and he was scared that if he did that, that Simon would wake up and comfort him. Would question why there was a suitcase out. Something he wouldn't have been able to answer_.

"I... I shouldn't have left, I know that. It was the worst mistake I've ever made," Jace says, going to take a step closer to Simon. "The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you."

"But you did, and it fucking hurt," Simon replies, "Why, can you answer that?" It was the only thing he wanted to know,  _why_  Jace left and if it wasn't because Simon said  _I love you_ , what was it.

"I was scared because I loved you too," Jace answers, tears welling in his eyes and he brings his hands down to his side, clenching them together. "I  _still_  love you, and that  _fucking_  scares me Simon. Okay, I was scared and my first thought was to get away from what scared me, because I couldn't take it on. I'm not as strong as I make myself out to be."

"Your façade? God Jace, everyone that is close to you knows it. You act like this big tough guy, but we all know you fucking care, that you get scared, get sad and angry. You break just like the rest of us, we fucking know and we don't care." There are tears in Simon's eyes, and Jace wants to reach to wipe them away, but he doesn't feel like he has the right to do so. "I  _told_  you that you didn’t have to say it back."

"I know, it was just  _loving_  you that scared me because love  _scares_  me Simon. It fucking scares the  _shit_  out of me, knowing that someone loves me just as much as I love them," Jace's words going quiet as he finishes his sentence. "I'm sorry. I just... wanted to see how you were. I'll go find a hotel, and then... talk to Izzy and Alec first thing in the morning."

Jace turned to walk out of the kitchen when Simon reached out and grabbed hold of Jace's wrist, "You can stay the night, just crash on the couch."

There is a very faint smile tugging at the corner of Jace's lips, and he nods his head. "Okay... blankets and pillows still where they were?"

Simon gives a small nod of his head, and they just stand there in the growing quiet of the kitchen, "Si, you need to let go of my wrist," Jace's voice says, breaking the silence as his eyes look down to where Simon's fingers were still wrapped around Jace's wrist.

Removing his fingers, and letting his hand fall to the side he lets out a stammered "Oh, right yeah," before he leaves the kitchen and listens as Jace moves around the apartment like he hasn't left. Simon ends up crying himself to sleep, something he hasn't done in four years.

Jace had heard the crying, and despite how much he ached to comfort the other he didn't go into the room. He made himself at home on the couch, pulling the blankets tight around himself as he felt a few tears of his own fall down his face, letting sleep take him over.

**Author's Note:**

> sequel??? i could be tempted


End file.
